I have been reading some blogs written by some amazing women lately. These young wives and mothers seem to effortlessly do it all. They bake their own bread, sew clothes for themselves and their children, wrangle cattle, home school their children and come up with endless creative projects to teach and entertain. Somehow on top of these daunting tasks, they also keep up a well written blog that not only entertains but teaches both worldly and spiritual lessons. I get tired and numb brained just reading about their lives much less trying to live like them.
I am beginning to think that I failed as a mother. More then that, I failed at taking advantage of all that life has to offer-- not to mention all that I should be offering back to life. I try to remember when my children were young. I think that a successful day was when I managed to get the laundry folded and a supper of macaroni & cheese and cocktail sausages on the table.
Was I ever as entertaining as these blog women? I told my children stories, but I never took it leaps further and made them a play set to reenact that story. My poor children-- all of the memories that they missed out on.
I was gratified to read one mother state that what she blogs about is the good times, not the times when she is at her wits end. But still, a month of her posts of good times and good activities far outweighs a year of my families. My children can remember their favorite Friday night television shows but I doubt they can remember a favorite 'made with Mommy' craft.
I have failed. I want to sew puppets for my babies. I want to teach them about art by helping them paint their own masterpiece on freshly stretched canvas.
All of my childrens sidewalk chalk art has washed away.
I want to take beautiful pictures of my childrens feet. I want to add photoshoped sunlight behind their tow heads in the pictures I have taken of them fighting the dragons in their coats of armor that I have forged myself.
I want a do over! Same children, same husband but just a wiser, more fun and more energetic me. I am in despair!!!
Ahh-- enlightment. I have heard the voice of God, or maybe the loving spirit of my own mother in my heart......
"That is what grandchildren are for."